Karen:
When Billy turned 18, Billy wrote about our concerns with the next phase: Billy becoming an adult. Where will he live? How can he have a happy life, once his brothers leave home and he is left alone, sitting on the couch? We are still struggling with this, as I suppose we will for the rest of our lives.
When Billy turned 18, Billy wrote about our concerns with the next phase: Billy becoming an adult. Where will he live? How can he have a happy life, once his brothers leave home and he is left alone, sitting on the couch? We are still struggling with this, as I suppose we will for the rest of our lives.
Billy on the train to Boston
Becoming an Adult
Billy and I sing Jingle Bells, loudly,
sometimes off key, but we sing it proudly,
We sing it all year, no rhyme or reason,
But once each year it comes into season.
That season's now here, with all of its joys,
all of the bustle and all of the noise,
all of the hustle that comes with three boys.
Yet soon, not too soon,
but soon nonetheless,
Ricky and Michael will fly from the nest,
Off to college and lives.
Billy will stay.
What will he do with his brothers away?
What will we do when the others have flown,
should we . . .
could we . . .find him a group home?
Bill's eighteen now, and a love at this stage,
But needs constant input to stay engaged,
With this his brothers are known to assist
and their loving help will surely be missed!
(Without them, he'll likely sit on the couch
Not stirring himself, day in and day out.)
Both Brian and I are willing and strong
But there's one hard truth we've known all along:
By ourselves with Billy, it will be tough
and all of our strength might not be enough;
By ourselves with Billy, it's cozy and nice,
but though love is all, love might not suffice.
But would he be better off with others?
Who can replace his father and mother?
I wonder, and worry. Who will be there
To make sure he brushes his teeth, who will care
To check that his shoes aren't on the wrong feet,
To fix healthy food and make sure he eats?
All of these little things, dozens each day;
It's hard to imagine him living away.
Might he be happier staying right here?
My thoughts are circular, sometimes I fear
The answer will never make itself clear.
If one could only hold on, but let go;
It should be simple, but what do I know?
What I know is things I would miss. Here's one:
Singing those old favorite songs with my son.
Or grocery shopping (for Billy's part
He nabs some extra ice cream for our cart);
I'll miss the way he's happy to assist
-though let's be clear, he's no perfectionist-
with chores, the way he wipes down the table,
eager to help as long as he's able.
For two of our sons, there isn't a choice.
They will leave home.
But we are Billy's voice.
For the time being, I wonder and worry.
We'll find an answer. I'm in no hurry.
One thing for certain I know, either way,
He'll sing Jingle Bells with me, each Christmas day...
